No, not that tear… THAT tear…
Yes, I will explain what that means. As a sidenote (already?) – In my tutoring gig I’ve had to explain how some words spell the same, but don’t sound or mean the same thing. Yes, a math tutor teaching English context to elementary kids is a dangerous thing. That’s why they call me “Scary Larry”.
OK, so for several months I’ve been putting together an outdoor shed. You may be tempted to ask – “Why don’t you buy the thing?” Well, I tried, but the famous Depot Shed-Maker took one look at the space and said they weren’t “tuff enuff”. And since I’ve been spending my retirement making large recognizable pieces of wood into indistinguishable small chips of wood, I figured I may as well try.
You may be tempted to ask – “Why do you need a shed anyway?” (I’m guessing that I’m leading you into temptation here – we can break that one pretty handily here).
The answer is simple – I’m getting old and need the “PPP” to be handier (Parties, Pillows and Plants). For 28 years I’ve crawled into the garage attic to get down chairs for parties, cushions for the pool, and a bunch of gardening stuff that I refuse to toss but never use. Now I can put it all in the shed where I’ll promptly forget it, and fill the attic once again with more stuff I have to haul up and down. So, Simba, is the circle of life.
Anyway, I started last summer, with the firm intent of being done by fall (when the pool stuff goes away). I had the 3 walls of the shed finished, and had to build the doors. So, naturally, I took a 3 month break and started again in January. And then a miracle happened – I actually made the doors and they sort-of fit.
You may be tempted… no, you’re not. You already know that the quality of my workmanship is only surpassed by the unrelenting quality of Ikea furniture (for further reference please see I’m 25 steps into a 12 step program )
But here’s where things get odd. I’m doing this during the worst natural disaster in So Cal history – unrelenting winds for the last month or so. Unlike so many of our people in the region, we’ve been incredibly lucky with no damage, just a lot of hot air blowing around. Kind of like a political convention – they blow in, make a mess and leave you to clean it up.
You may be tempted – no, again you figured this out. Rather than wait it out, I try to put on the doors during a lull between storms. And I hang them – well, sort-of. And, Of Course, the wind comes back and I realize that the doors will be blown off their hinges.
So, I race to the Depot, get some latches and install them while “blowing in the wind” ( which is NOT a Complete Unknown. We’ll see if you remember this movie reference in a few years). And they stay shut!
But why? You may be tempted… No, again you figured it out. I nailed it shut.
When my gardener came (between windstorms) I couldn’t help myself but show him my handywork (ok, let’s admit it, I was bragging). And I went to open the door, and didn’t know why the door would not open.
Until I heard the tearing sound of wood splintering.
Yep, I shed a tear…..
LARRYLAND 
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