Here at LarryLand, we’re into Breaking News. Or, at least, we want our news “Hot off the Press”.

In case you were sleeping under a log in Ukraine, hiding from Russian Forces, and missed the Mayhem in Manhattan, a certain former president called “The Donald” has been “indicated”. (His words, not mine. Gosh only knows what it would be if he was implicated – incident maybe?).   For several weeks now, they’ve had round-the-clock-coverage of his possible (and now certain) arraignment on “Trumped-Up Charges” (really, I’m tired of the term “witch hunt” – time to get more creative Donny).

Yesterday, the news covered this incident pretty much all day.  Which meant that the ever-powerful Scaffolding Union of NYC was on display.  Every reporter stood on the side of the street looking at the court house (covered in scaffolding).  Then at Trump Tower (more scaffolding). And for the arraignment, the Union took very close care to put street scaffolding around their building scaffolding.  Really, the crime that ought to be investigated are the under-the-table payments made to the Scaffolding Union to get them to remove their product from your building. Wait… wasn’t the Donald into real estate development?  Hmmmmm…. Maybe the Trumpsters put the scaffolding up in the first place….. Isn’t scaffolding able to withstand the strongest Stormy Daniels?

But I digress (yes, a surprise as you are sure to have noticed).  Turns out that there was no mayhem, no real protests that caused justice to be delayed, the sun did not implode, Martians did not attack the earth.  Nope – he went in, said a few words, went out, and went home to Florida. Whether charges against the Don will lead to a conviction has yet to be seen.

So, that leaves us with the question – “What do the locals think”?  Thankfully, my local news station wasn’t going to miss the chance. They’re in this Dollars-For-Donuts, as you can see in the picture:

• It is 6am. By LA standards, it is cold.
• Kara the reporter is standing in the pre-dawn darkness in what looks to be a parking lot.
• In Burbank, that burgeoning hub of political activism.
• She’s going to get the “Local Flavor”, including all the nuts.

But of course, what I noticed is the most important thing… She is at the Donut Prince. 

As LZ Granderson said in the L.A. Times, “It’s OK to savor Trump’s day in court.”  As a foodie wannabe, who am I to argue?

He’s right, of course. Donut be a judge of the man (his hair, yes- we can all agree on that). Whether you think Mr. Trump is a Prince of a guy or Cruller-De-Vil, we can all line up behind the Long-Johns at the maple bar.

The first important insight here is to consider the location of the reporter. The Donut Prince.  I suppose there isn’t a shop called the Donut President, but at least could it be the Donut King.  Or, perhaps, the Donut Prince is now owned by Prince Harry and Megan the Markel. Now that they’re no longer royal, perhaps they need a job and bought the place. If we can have a stake in Trump-Steaks, I see no reason not to have the Royal Buns. How about Harry’s Happy Spudnuts or Megan Markel’s Maple Bars? [Editors note: There is absolutely no way to make this not sound pornographic. Of course, that doesn’t mean that I won’ include it here. These were the tamest ideas that I could come up with. I’ll leave it to your imagination as to the other names that came to mind.]

That said, the naming is fortuitous. At least according to a local citizen interviewed by the L.A. Times. She heard that demonstrators claimed that the Donald was a king.  “Nobody is king of the United States, that was the whole point of the constitution,” according to her.  I can’t speak for you, but after a few Beignets my constitution is definitely in question.

As for the case itself, the legal question here is whether the Chocolate-Twisted tales to be told in the trial will ultimately lead to various Donut Holes in the legal theory of the Crooked Cronuts. We’ll have to Jelly-Roll Mr. Trump’s Cinnamon Buns into court to see if the case gets Dunked or the District Attorney gets the Icing on the Cake. I’m certain they’ll try for a change in venue, perhaps to a Danish court. Until that day I’d guess that Donut-Thing will happen (yes, I know, I had to reach for that one).

All I know is this – by the end of the day I was Glazed and Confused. I’ve Frittered away our time together. I Donut what I’d do without you, loyal readers. After all, I’m kinda Old Fashioned like that.