So, we have determined that I am, in fact, the “Janitor of LarryLand”.  [See Cleanup in Aisle 2 for further explanation.]  BUT, my talents are not limited to simply janitorial services; No, I also am a cook, personal shopper, handyman and official car-washer as well. 

That said, I think Jim Croce got it right in his song Car Wash Blues

“So baby, don’t expect to see me

With no double martini in any highbrow society news

‘Cause I got them steadily depressin’, low down mind messin’

Workin’ at the car wash blues.”

At least I get a kiss from my wife when I’m done. Yep, retirement pays well.

So, imagine my surprise when I got outside this morning to find my neighbor Dawn’s cars being washed professionally.  This 20ish year-old kid drives up in his pickup towing a small trailer. Out come various cleaning implements, and the car is sparkling and pretty. 

I stand there with my bucket and rag looking pretty pathetic. (Ok, I’d look pathetic without the bucket and rag, but we digress.)

I did introduce myself to him, after we both finished our chores. His name is Kyle, and he’s pretty cool.  What got me was his question:  “So, you won the race?”  I’ll admit it, throughout the morning I was wondering who might get the cars done first.

So, here’s the scoreboard:  I probably finished first.  He had already started when I was just getting setup; we finished at about the same time. BUT – in the “class” department, I was completely outclassed in every respect. As we speak, Kyle’s probably having that double martini (dirty, with 3 olives), while lounging around some country club with the Kardashians feeding him peeled grapes.

Let me put this in perspective for you.  First, it starts with having the best tools for the job. A comparison:

	LarryLand	Kyle
Is well organized	Pulls stuff out of random places in the garage	Drives up in spiffy truck with well-organized trailer
Washing Technique	Hose and Sponge	Pressure Washer with different canisters for soap, etc.
Drying Technique	Chamois Cloth and Towel	Leaf Blower
Carpet Cleaning	Hand Vacuum with no real suction or useful tools	Wet/Dry Vacuum with all sorts of attachments
Tire Check	Does a bicycle pump count?	Air compressor

But we also have to compare services:

	LarryLand	Kyle
Initial wash	Sprinkles water over car	High pressure wash creating a misty fog
Car Lather	Occasional bubbles	Car bathed uniformly in white soap
Drying Technique	Trying to get there before Mr. Sun leaves spots	Blows all the water out and only has to polish the finish
Tire Cleaning	Washes off the rims once in a while	Thorough washing of tire and rim
Tire Safety	Has good mechanic	Checks tires to appropriate pressure
Gets kiss from wife	Yes	No, to the best of my knowledge

Yep, totally outclassed.  Just the pre-rinse of the car creates a rainbow of mist over the car.  And the soap is so white over the entire car that it looks like he used about 600 cans of Barbasol Saving Cream (the Beard-Buster). I half expected him to be using a Bic razor to shave off the soap and grime.

But what got me the most was the Leaf Blower.  Now that’s creative.  It looked as if he was giving the car a Brazilian Blowout.  I’m pretty sure that he uses product afterwards, and perhaps gives it a facial.  Whatever the case, it worked and was a lot less effort than trying to scurry around the car to get it dry before it splotches.

Kyle explained it to me this way – when the car has a good wax finish the blower simply pushes all the water off it quickly.  To his good credit, he also said that it would work on my cars because they’re shiny and he could tell the water was beading.  (Ah… professional courtesy, a lost art.)

At the end of the day, we both had nice clean cars. He’s full of vim and vigor, and I’m trying to catch my breath.

Honestly – we need enthusiastic kids like Kyle. He’s entrepreneurial, works hard, and was well mannered. I hope he finds much success.

Now, I think I’ll go make that martini.