The Nutcracker is a child’s play. When I get to see it in a few days with Bruce, Stephanie and our families, we will have three past presidents at the show. Our time as president’s spans at least a dozen years, and our time together in the Nutcracker cast more than 20 years.
How’d that happen? If you had asked me 40 years ago in my twenties that I’d be part of a ballet, much less in one, I’d have thought you were Nuts, that you were Off Your Cracker that…. You’re right. A warning to all new parents – you WILL get involved in something like this, and you WILL enjoy it. That’s because it’s for the kids – ours and others.
It’s hard to believe that I reflected on this 20 years ago [ See, My Favorite Christmas Color is Gray ]. I can definitely tell you that I’ve grown more sentimental over the years.
Being in the cast is kinda like the Marines – Once a Nut, Always a Nut. I’ve been out of the cast, and now out of the company, for a few years now. And yet… I still make the “Golden Caster”.
As you can see, this is a thing of great beauty. Those plasticy, pre-formed things are way too nice for me. Nope, this is one of a kind.
Here’s the story behind the Caster.
It was a long time ago – 2012 to be exact, and my friend Mike and I were in the cast (No, he can’t live it down either.) We’re in our final “Dress” rehearsal. I have no idea why they call it a “dress” rehearsal – we’re in tuxedos, other than the time we all wore wigs (but that’s another story). This is the day before the show. Time to be serious.
OK, you know better. By this I mean that we decide to prank poor Nancy, the long-suffering prop volunteer. She is suffering because she has to deal with us parents, not the kids (as proof, See How Ballet Lead Me To A Life Of Crime )
Nancy had it in for this one particular prop. An antique trolley cart that was wheeled onstage with a cake for 30 seconds, but which took something like 3 weeks to fix every year. The wheels just did NOT want to stay attached to the cart and were fixed every year. It’s kinda like a Marvel Movie – “What, you destroyed New York Again?”
Needless to say, while we’re standing side-stage waiting our turn to go on, we decide to objectively scare the heck out of her – we tell her the wheels came off, again. She literally jumps for the cart, and we had to pull her back telling her it was a joke. Nancy vowed revenge. We entered the witness protection program and are now living in Omaha under assumed names (mine’s Mr. Stahlbaum, Mike’s Mother Ginger – don’t tell Nancy).
Needless to say, we owe her an apology. How does one do that? The Golden Caster.
You see, the next day (a performance day) I nailed together some scraps of wood and spray paint it black. I remember that it was still wet when I went to the hardware store and bought a cheap caster to put on top. A variety of nails and screws later, it was born. The funny thing is this – that is precisely how props are fixed. Whatever you have on hand has to do.
I put it in a plain paper bag, added in an “Award” that thanked Nancy for “keeping the Wheels on the Cart”. And then we had the director give this to Nancy on behalf of the party parents backstage – in front of all of the kids. She vowed revenge, again. I think we’ll have to leave the country at some point.
I’ve done this every year since. It has become a real thing. Every year, a volunteer parent gets a unique (by which I mean ugly), carefully constructed (by which I still mean ugly), and haphazardly painted (by which I very much mean ugly) award. They get recognized in front of their kids for spending the time to put together the show. It’s a really good thing and I hope that I get to do this for a long time to come.
But it also becomes harder to come up with such a newly unique and even uglier caster. So, this year I decided that I needed qualified, professional help. I enlisted the services of the kids that I tutor at the local library. If anyone can make a grade-school-level project, it’s the elementary and middle school kids.
You see, I had to do the base at home. But it was still wet and smelly when I got to the library – tradition is important after all.
We had to break a few rules to do this, I’m sure. But the one rule I had to keep was – they had to finish their homework first. I may be willing to put a power drill in the hands of an 8 year old, but that does NOT mean that I’m willing to risk having Abby (the head of the program) be after me. I may be dumb, but I am not stupid.
So, as you can see, the kids got to learn about 2 tools. First, there is the Screwdriver. I’d put it in their hands (two hands, please), show them how to operate it, emphasize to go slow, and then watch them go at it full speed as if they were changing tires for an Indy Race Car. Fortunately, I kept my hand on the drill – if I hadn’t, they’d go through the caster, through the concrete step and probably about 15 feet through the earth.
Then there is the matter of the hammer. If you’ve ever watched the show “Nailed It”, you’d get the idea here. I started the nail, and it bent. Perfect. What’s the kid try to do? Well, he tried to straighten it back out. Obviously, this kid was no amateur.
Imagine the look on his face when I said, “no just knock it flat”. Having said that, I cannot tell you how many pieces I’ve done where I’ve simply banged a bent nail as far below the surface as I could and covered it in putty. Ah, perfection.
And that’s the point. These are good kids. I started tutoring them as “Scary Larry the Mean Math Tutor” – I make them do their homework even though most of them have squirrels in their shoes. All the tutors are doing the same. Abby gets the real credit as she’s able to bring the authority over them to do all the work needed. No One – I mean NO ONE – crosses her. (And she’s really nice – how’d that work?)
I think I can say that all of us want to see every one of these kids do well in school as in life. Let them grow up safely and be responsible adults (unlike me) with their own families someday.
The same is true for the adults – I want to see my fellow tutors grow up to be responsible….. – oh, wait, they ARE responsible… umm…. I think we all should recognize those who contribute to the kids – whether in a ballet or a library. The librarians, the tutors, the Party Parents (who I hope are still reprobates) the backstage moms and the Golden Caster recipients. It doesn’t happen without them.
When I retired from the Ballet Board, I was given a really nice, and unique, plaque. It’s a glass plate etched with the following quote from C.S. Lewis, which I hold very dearly:
“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”
The Golden Caster started as a prank. Twelve years later it isn’t a prank. The best things happen when you are not trying, when you are instead giving things a chance to breathe. When they do, they get a life of their own.
That’s simply Child’s Play. Nancy, you done good.
LARRYLAND 
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